It’s almost the end of Pride Month, and I’ve been relatively quiet on the subject. As a queer wife and mama, this might seem a bit odd. The truth is, I’m a bit uncomfortable speaking too loudly about my family. I never want to profit from who my family is, nor do I want to appear that way. Our identity isn’t a marketing tool.

That being said, a few things have been on my mind that I’d like to share. These are some of the ways my family is unique, and they highlight both the joys and the everyday realities of our lives. Please remember that these experiences are special to my family; they don’t necessarily apply to all families like ours, but perhaps you’ll find some common threads or new perspectives.

Two Mom Dynamics

With two moms in the household there are a lot of big feelings and space to feel those feelings… What I’ve noticed is interesting is how we navigate our roles. One of us tends to be more goofy and lighthearted while the other is more serious and grounded. The beautiful thing is that we trade these roles back and forth seamlessly, not intending to, but often doing so in a way that supports our needs as parents as well as my daughter’s needs.

Coming Out

Meeting new people in public can be surprisingly anxiety producing. Every new person we meet is like coming out all over again. It happens anywhere from at the doctor’s office to the park. It’s not always a grand announcement; sometimes it’s in the subtle shift of conversation when someone asks, "What does your husband do?" or "Does your partner work?". We’re lucky to live in a blue state where we are typically met with acceptance and openness, but that flicker of fear is still there. It’s a quiet background hum that most people don’t have to contend with when they simply introduce their family.

Parental Preference

Our daughter has a preferred parent, and it’s me, hi! This is a pretty common phenomenon regardless of family structure. To help with the preferred parent meltdowns we try to make sure my wife has 1:1 time with my daughter, they have a few special events that are just for the two of them, and my wife always does bathtime with my daughter.

Planning for Our Future

While planning for another child we bounce back and forth from excitement to concern. We’re thinking about practicalities like whether or not both of our names will be on the birth certificate automatically, or if we’ll face legal hurdles. Then there’s the significant financial burden of fertility treatments, which can be incredibly costly and aren’t covered by our insurance. Beyond the logistics, there’s the emotional journey of expanding our family.

Representation

I’ve long advocated for children seeing themselves reflected in media. Now, as a queer parent, I work hard to ensure my daughter sees families like ours in stories. This is about validation and belonging—when a child sees a family like theirs, it powerfully says, "You are normal. You belong." These moments are a warm hug in a world that can sometimes question queer families.

The Everyday Joys and Mundane Moments

It’s easy to focus on the unique challenges or the “big” moments, but so much of our family life is made up of the same everyday joys and mundane moments as any other family. There are arguments over screen time, spilled milk at breakfast, bedtime stories that stretch on too long, and impromptu dance parties in the living room. Our daughter's laughter is just as infectious, her tantrums just as ear-splitting, and our love for her just as boundless. These are the moments that truly define us – not our gender or sexual orientation – but the shared experience of raising a child, building a home, and navigating the beautiful chaos of daily life. This queer joy, in many ways, is the most radical part of our existence.

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Sharing these intimate details isn't about seeking pity or praise. It's about pulling back the curtain on the everyday realities of a queer family. We’re not so different, and yet, there are nuances that shape our experiences. My hope is that by sharing, we can foster a greater understanding and connection, and perhaps, make the world a little bit easier for the queer families of tomorrow.