Lately, the thought of bedtime has been feeling less like a peaceful wind-down and more like... well, a wrestling match. Does that sound familiar? If your evenings often involve elaborate stalling tactics, surprise bursts of energy, or just general resistance as soon as you utter the words "bedtime," you are absolutely not alone.

I've been there. That feeling of exhaustion creeping in, knowing you just want your little one to please, please, please go the F to sleep, and instead, you're met with a defiant giggle or a sudden urge to organize all the toys. It's frustrating, and it makes you question everything you thought you knew about getting a child to sleep.

But here's what I want you to know: those bedtime battles often aren't about defiance. They're about unmet needs.

More Than Just Tired: Sensory & Connection Needs

Think about it from your little one's perspective. After a day of exploring, learning, and perhaps a bit of overstimulation, their little bodies and minds are buzzing. They might be craving deep pressure, a sense of their body in space, or just one last deep connection with you before the lights go out. We often focus on routines and “teaching our babies to sleep”, but sometimes we miss the quieter cues and forget that sleep isn’t a skill. Our babies can’t fall asleep until their brains and bodies are ready to do so.

This is where sensory input, specifically proprioceptive input, comes in. Proprioception is our sense of where our body parts are in relation to each other and how much force is needed for movements. Activities that provide this deep pressure can be incredibly calming and organizing for a child's nervous system, helping them feel settled and ready for sleep.

And the best part? Many of these activities are also perfect for building that final connection before bed.

Here are some less common, non-corny bedtime play ideas to try:

"Squish Sandwich": Lie your child between two pillows (or blankets), and gently "squish" them by applying light, even pressure. Ask, "Light squeeze or big squeeze?" and let them guide you. This provides deep pressure without being overwhelming.
Pillow Push: Have your child push a heavy pillow or cushion across the room (or just a few feet). They can push it with their hands, feet, or even their whole body. The resistance is fantastic proprioceptive input.
Bear Hug Roll: Have your child lie on their back, then give them a really tight, warm bear hug as you gently roll them from side to side like a log. Make it silly and loving.
Body Part Presses: Gently press down on different parts of their body (arms, legs, shoulders) for a few seconds at a time. Ask them to press back or just enjoy the pressure. This is a quiet, connecting activity.
Heavy Work Helper: Before bed, involve them in "heavy work" tasks. Maybe they help you carry the laundry basket (even if it's mostly empty), push a small chair across the room, or stack some heavy books. The effort helps discharge energy and regulate.

Instead of just physically wearing them out, these activities help soothe their nervous system with the calming input it needs.

babies and toddlers may fight bedtime if they aren't tired yet. My baby hasn't learned to fall asleep. How can I teach my baby to fall asleep faster? Why does my toddler fight bedtime every night? How can I make bedtime less awful for my family?

The Myth of the Perfect Bedtime: Understanding Sleep Pressure

Beyond sensory needs, there's the crucial concept of sleep pressure. Simply put, our bodies build up a need for sleep the longer we're awake. If a child isn't tired enough, no amount of routine or pleading will make them fall asleep easily. They'll fight it.

This is why there's no single "perfect" bedtime for every child. Every child's internal clock, or circadian rhythm, is unique. While societal norms push for early bedtimes, your child might genuinely thrive with a slightly later one, or need a particular wake window before they're truly ready for sleep.

Instead of rigidly sticking to a clock time, try to:

Observe their cues: When do they naturally start to yawn? Rub their eyes? Slow down?
Be flexible: If a nap was longer or shorter, or they had an unusually exciting day, their sleep needs will shift. Don't be afraid to adjust bedtime by 15-30 minutes either way.
Focus on consistency in routine, not necessarily exact timing. The sequence of bath, books, cuddles can be consistent even if the start time floats a bit.

A quick note for our tiniest humans: Babies younger than 3 months old are unlikely to have predictable sleep patterns or need a specific bedtime routine. Their sleep is more about sporadic naps throughout a 24-hour period as their circadian rhythm is still developing. Focus on feeding and comfort, not a fixed bedtime.

Some older babies or toddlers (like mine!) benefit from climbing before bed. Lots of climbing. This can be built into your daily routine, or you can create safe climbing experiences indoors. A Pikler Triangle, couches, stacked cushions, or benches are all great indoor options!

When to Seek Support

Sometimes, despite all the gentle strategies and understanding, bedtime still feels like an uphill battle. If you're feeling overwhelmed, unsure of what else to try, or if sleep issues are significantly impacting your family's well-being, that's a clear sign to reach out for support.

It's okay to admit you need help figuring out the unique puzzle of your child's sleep. A personalized approach can make all the difference. If this resonates with you, consider booking a sleep consult with me, Robin. We can explore your specific challenges, create a plan that honors your child's needs and your family's values, and bring a bit more peace back to your evenings.

Because every family deserves restful nights and joyful bedtimes. You've got this, and you don't have to do it alone.